Spiritual maturity and being an adult child of God and of the Church requires us to be differentiated from the Church such that we are able to discern and engage in our faith with a stable, distinct and individuated sense of self.
EP 167 | Deconstruction as Differentiation and Individuation In this episode, I'm exploring deconstruction through the lens of differentiation and individuation—two psychological concepts that have profoundly shaped my faith journey. For years, I related to Catholicism the way I related to my family of origin—with enmeshment, not healthy boundaries. I…
In this video I share what it's like to taste the fruit of a nine year long interior integration and healing process of my family of origin complex trauma. I describe in concrete terms what this feels like in my body and in the impact I see it has on…
Deconstruction often purges us of distorted and harmful images of God. If ALL we had were these images and constructs before we entered deconstruction, then it makes perfect sense why we could reach a point where we become agnostic. But this can be a necessary purification that makes possible an…
Have you ever wondered why some people deconstruct not only their religion but also their entire faith in God, while others deconstruct aspects of organised religion yet retain a relationship with the divine or even with the Christian God? In this episode, I explore the distinction between deconstructing our notions…
It was a big deal when I could finally admit to myself and to God that I no longer believed that the Catholic Church is holy and good in the way that I used to. Using theological language to parse why the Church is "the perfect society" or "always holy"…
EP 164 | How Moral Injury Can Lead to Deconstruction In this episode, I talk about how moral injury can be connected to or trigger deconstruction. This is a topic that has been deeply significant in my own journey of interior integration and healing. Moral injury is the damage done…
How do you explain what you don't yet understand yourself? Deconstruction is an embodied process that we often need to enter into long before we have the new language to articulate, much less explain it to someone who has never gone through it.
EP 163 | Why It's So Hard to Explain Deconstruction In this episode, I dive into one of the most challenging aspects of deconstruction: trying to explain it to others who haven't experienced it themselves. I respond to a thoughtful question from a follower about how to remain committed to…
Deconstruction is rarely discussed as a multifaceted process that touches not only on faith and spiritual development but also trauma and holistic human integration. Why is that? I think that it is because there is a lot of analysis and discussion on this topic by people who have never experienced…
EP 162 | Deconstruction: A Trauma-Informed, Integrative and First-Hand Perspective Welcome to my first episode of 2026! After a six-week break, I'm returning with greater clarity and readiness to share about a topic I've been living through: deconstruction. In this episode, I'm opening up about my personal journey through deconstruction—not…
This is a video about EP 161 | Grappling with Spiritual Abuse and Trauma in the "DNA" of the Catholic Church 00:00 EP 161 | Grappling with Spiritual Abuse and Trauma in the "DNA" of the Catholic Church
This is a video about EP 161 | Grappling with Spiritual Abuse and Trauma in the "DNA" of the Catholic Church 00:00 Introduction and Personal Journey 01:14 Deconstructing Faith and Identity 03:52 Family of Origin and Trauma 09:10 Anger and Frustration with the Church 14:43 Historical Context of Church Coercion…
I think particularly for trauma survivors and especially for survivors of religious and spiritual trauma, we need to give ourselves that permission to ask and to really question and reframe and re-look and deconstruct even - What did I understand holiness to mean?
EP 160 | Reconsidering Holiness: Saints, Trauma, and Spiritual Abuse In this episode, I dive into the concepts of sainthood and holiness, especially in light of personal experiences with trauma and spiritual abuse. Reflecting on the stories of saints like Padre Pio and Mother Teresa, I explore how their actions…
Once we understand what enmeshment is, it is easy to see how prevalent it is in some Church sub-cultures. Enmeshment can be particularly pronounced in youth and young adult ministries and communities, but these dynamics can be just as present among adult communities where a lack of boundaries or sense…
In today's episode, we explore the intersection of enmeshment trauma and spiritual abuse. If you're new to the concept, enmeshment trauma occurs in families that are too close to the point where individual boundaries and self-identity are compromised. This episode delves into the signs and impacts of enmeshment trauma, such…
A significant part of healing is just becoming able to see and name reality as it is. For many of us, acknowledging abuse can feel "wrong" and it takes time as well as grace to be able to trust our new way of seeing the truth.
In this episode, I continue the discussion on spiritual abuse by focusing on Abuse of Conscience. I share my personal journey of discovering this subtle yet pervasive form of abuse, how it affected my life, and my path to recognising my own role in it. I discuss how my own…
True conversion can only come from within, from a heart and soul that chose freely. Coercion and manipulation "for the sake of evangelisation" is both spiritually abusive AND ineffective because behavioural change that comes from pressure is not genuine conversion.
In this episode, I build on my last episode’s discussion of how culture, disembodied faith, and trauma contribute to an environment conducive to spiritual abuse. I delve into the responsible use of power and influence, sharing personal insights and experiences. I discuss how, even with good intentions, we can unintentionally…
When our spiritual "norm" is unhealthy without us realising, we can be set up for spiritual abuse pretty easily. Catch the full episode!
EP 156 | How Culture, Disembodied Faith and Complex Trauma Facilitate Spiritual Abuse In this episode, I delve into three factors that facilitate spiritual abuse, especially within the experience of many Catholics. Reflecting on a personal experience during a silent retreat, I explore how complex trauma, disembodied faith, and cultural…
How is it that spiritual abuse so often happens in the context of evangelisation and disciple-making? Watch my latest episode of Becoming Me where Paul Fahey and I discuss Spiritual Abuse in Evangelisation and Discipleship.