Episodes

Episode 108 In this episode, I delve into how understanding complex trauma has helped me in my spiritual life. I share how certain challenges I face, such as emotional regulation in stressful environments, couldn't be solved merely through deepening my spiritual life and prayer routine. By learning more about trauma, I discovered how coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms have shaped my personality and reactions to others. I share how learning about trauma has led me to see myself more wholl...

Episode 109 What's the difference that healing and integration makes we get triggered back into old insecurities and anxieties? We often expect that healing will result in the absence of struggles but in reality, the journey involves self-awareness and fostering a sense of internal freedom with which we learn to manage our anxieties and insecurities. In this episode I recount a personal experience in which I was able to regain composure and freedom after encountering a stressful situation whic...

Episode 110 Conviction alone can’t get you where you want or need to go. When we don’t do the work of interior integration we often end up hiding behind our convictions to feel safe instead of flourishing because we are rooted in a secure relationship with God and our Self. In this episode, I explore how personal integration is a crucial factor for living an authentic and balanced life. I share from my personal experience how having strong convictions doesn't necessarily lead to fruitful actio...

Episode 111 Have you experienced feeling overwhelmed while making the interior journey? In this episode I propose three coping strategies for these difficult periods: the understanding that nothing real changes, realising that we are not the saviours of ourselves or the world, and being extra gentle and mindful towards ourselves. I also highlight the significance of recognising seasons and rhythms in our lives and the importance of self-care during challenging times. This episode is relevant f...

Episode 112 In this episode's deep dive, I explain the vital connection between our senses of identity and security in faith, sharing insights drawn from Catholic tradition, modern psychology, and personal experience. I share about my journey towards developing a secure attachment with God, and how the prayer of the Examen, which originated with St. Ignatius of Loyola, helped me in this journey. Through integrating perspectives from the study of trauma, I share how focusing on the concept of G...

Episode 113 When those of us who never had boundaries start learning to exercise them, it can feel really "wrong" to us and this may keep us second guessing if drawing boundaries is the right thing to do. In this episode I reflect upon the struggle of exercising personal boundaries in the context of faith, familial expectations, and societal norms. I delve into my journey of establishing an authentic relationship with God and how insecurities, trauma, and distorted perceptions can impact this ...

Episode 114 If you're a people-pleaser, chances are good that you also have an insecure attachment with God and that your understanding of "pleasing God" comes from a place of anxiety rather than confidence. This episode discusses the struggles of recovering people pleasers within the context of spiritual life. I share some insights on a passage from 'Time for God' by Jacques Philippe, addressing the concept of pleasing God and how we can mis-interpret it when we lack healthy self-esteem and s...

Episode 115 In this episode I explore the concept of 'enmeshment', a term used in psychology to describe dysfunctional family systems marked by poor boundaries between family members and thus over-dependence (and co-dependence). I reflect on how growing up in an enmeshed family has affected my own mental health, relationships, and understanding of faith, leading me to develop a 'Messiah Complex' - or feeling compelled to constantly help others to my own detriment. I highlight the important ro...

Episode 116 In this episode I examine the connection between past emotional trauma and present conflicts in relationships. Aided by three personal stories, I illustrate how past familial conflicts have influenced my own internal emotional regulation triggering conflicts in my current relationships, especially within my marriage. I also share how greater self-awareness can lessen the severity of conflicts, promote reconciliation, and foster greater empathy in relationships. I encourage listener...

Episode 117 In this in-depth discussion, I provide a Christian perspective on the journey of healing from complex trauma within a dysfunctional family setting. Six gentle reminders are shared for those trying to manage relationships within such dynamics: acknowledging the enmity; having a trustworthy third party; remembering self-abandonment is not love; not measuring up to an imagined ideal; grounding oneself in God's infinite love; and understanding that God sees the hidden suffering. I emph...

Episode 118 In this episode, I dive deep into the topic of self-care, self-love, and how they relate to spirituality from a Christian perspective. I challenge the common misconception within some Christian circles that self-care may be seen as a sign of weakness or indulgence. I emphasise the importance of recognising our individual, personal needs for care and suggest that neglect of self-care might stem from past trauma. I encourage listeners to understand self-care as an expression of accep...

Episode 119 In this episode, I discuss the concept of spiritualising forgiveness and its implications in faith and daily life. I talk about how the struggles many people often face in integrating love and forgiveness in their lives are due to an insecure attachment with God and a fear of not doing the right thing. I talk about the pitfalls of spiritualising forgiveness and how true forgiveness should lead to human flourishing rather than spiritual subjugation. I discuss the necessity of healin...

Episode 120 In this episode I highlight three common spiritual blocks: the inability to develop a close and intimate relationship with God, the struggle with being still and silent, and the challenges of discernment and decision-making. We often think of these as spiritual blocks, but in my experience, they have a lot to do with attachment trauma. Spirituality rests on the bedrock of our humanity, it is part of our humanity not apart from it. Our nervous system, body, our emotions, our rationa...

Episode 121 In this episode of Becoming Me, I delve into the contemplative heart of interior integration. I talk about the integration of spirituality, psychology, neuroscience, and other fields as essential in the journey of self-discovery. Using metaphors and reflecting on my own experiences, I emphasise the role of contemplation in managing life's paradoxes and challenges. I explain how contemplation, or being with God, serves as a foundational point, helping us embrace our complexities and...

Episode 122 This episode covers practical advice for individuals deeply invested in their integrated spiritual and emotional healing journeys. I particularly emphasise the importance of recognising when it might be time to change one's spiritual director or therapist and provide listeners with THREE signs that may indicate that it is time for a change. There is often a natural evolution in such guidance relationships because progress in one's spiritual journey may necessitate change due to the...

Episode 123 In this in-depth episode, I share my personal experiences and insights on the importance and process of selecting a spiritual director to guide one's spiritual journey. I outline five key considerations that have proved pivotal in my journey: assessing the spiritual director's emotional and spiritual maturity, understanding my current spiritual needs and season, recognising the stage of my interior journey, considering my budget and the different types of spiritual directors availab...

Episode 124 In this episode, I delve into the continuation of my exploration on seeking guidance, pivoting from the quest for a spiritual director to the process of choosing a therapist. I reveal key considerations that have shaped my approach, highlighting the vital step of discerning which 'layer of life' demands healing - be it surface-level challenges or the deeper, foundational issues of one's core self. Drawing from my own experiences with counseling and psychotherapy, I elucidate the di...

Episode 125 In this episode of our current series, I delve into the topic of whether choosing a therapist or spiritual director of the same faith, specifically Christian or Catholic, is crucial for one's journey towards interior integration. How important is a therapist’s faith in their effectiveness for our interior journey and how much difference would having a Christian/Catholic therapist make vs one who doesn’t share our faith? In this video I unpack the subconscious assumptions we have ab...

Episode 126 In this episode, I delve into a poignant question raised during a webinar Q&A session about whether connecting with oneself inevitably enhances our connections with others, especially when expressing our true selves might not be warmly accepted by everyone. I unravel the complexities surrounding authentic connections, emphasising the significance of embracing our true selves for genuine interactions and personal growth. I reflect on personal experiences and the challenges of main...

Episode 127 In this podcast episode, I open up about a deeply personal and often stigmatised issue - my struggle with compulsions and addictions. I discuss how these issues are not only challenging to confront but are also shrouded in shame and secrecy, particularly when they deal with substance abuse or sex. Drawing from my experiences, I reflect on the societal pressure to maintain an image of responsibility and control, and how even socially acceptable compulsions, like binge-watching TV or...

Episode 128 In this final episode of the season, I share how my understanding of faithfulness has evolved as I healed. Initially, my understanding of faithfulness was deeply rooted in a binary, performance-based perspective, influenced by my cultural and religious upbringing. I viewed it as a straightforward measure of adherence to a set of religious practices and moral standards, essentially a checklist that delineated a clear boundary between being faithful and unfaithful. This perspective w...