April 15, 2024

The Contemplative Heart of Interior Integration

Episode 121   

In this episode of Becoming Me, I delve into the contemplative heart of interior integration. I talk about the integration of spirituality, psychology, neuroscience, and other fields as essential in the journey of self-discovery. Using metaphors and reflecting on my own experiences, I emphasise the role of contemplation in managing life's paradoxes and challenges.

I explain how contemplation, or being with God, serves as a foundational point, helping us embrace our complexities and live out our faith deeply. I offer assurance that, despite the complexities of the interior integration journey, finding stability in contemplation can bring peace and grace into our lives. I also suggest ways to cultivate awareness to recognise contemplative moments daily, guiding listeners towards profound self-understanding and a closer relationship with the divine.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

Follow me on my Instagram account @animann for more material on the integration journey and subscribe to my monthly reflections on Begin Again.

CHAPTER MARKERS
(00:00:26) - Introduction
(00:01:04) - The Heart of Interior Integration
(00:09:42) - Exploring the Contemplative Heart
(00:12:40) - The Power of Contemplation in Healing
(00:15:41) - Embracing Paradoxes and Tensions
(00:21:10) - Contemplation: Beyond "Saying Prayers"
(00:23:01) - Real-Life Examples of Contemplation
(00:37:58) - Cultivating Awareness and Stillness
(00:40:11) - Conclusion

TRANSCRIPT
Available here.

REFLECTION PROMPT
What is contemplation? Do you find yourself being constantly busy? Have you experienced the stillness of God's love? Perhaps there has been an instance of this experience of stillness, even during a crisis. How can you live a life of contemplation?

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CLARITY INTERIOR INTEGRATION JOURNEY
Applications Open Now (till 29 Feb 2024)

Chapters

00:26 - Introduction

01:04 - The Heart of Interior Integration

09:42 - Exploring the Contemplative Heart

12:40 - The Power of Contemplation in Healing

15:41 - Embracing Paradoxes and Tensions

21:10 - Contemplation: Beyond "Saying Prayers"

23:01 - Real-Life Examples of Contemplation

37:58 - Cultivating Awareness and Stillness

40:11 - Conclusion

Transcript

EPISODE 121 | THE CONTEMPLATIVE HEEART OF INTERIOR INTEGRATION

There is always this paradox that it is our work to do, that it is our responsibility to do this inner work to go on the interior journey. Yet at the same time, we are not the foundation on which we do this work. We are not the one that holds all things together. And that is why our burden, even in the heaviness of the interior journey, our burden can be light. 

[00:00:26] INTRODUCTION
Welcome to Becoming Me, your podcast companion and coach in your journey to a more integrated and authentic self. I am your host, Ann Yeong, and I'm here to help you grow in self-discovery and wholeness. If you long to live a more authentic and integrated life and would like to hear honest insights about the rewards and challenges of this journey, then take a deep breath, relax, and listen on to Becoming Me. 

[00:01:02] THE HEART OF INTERIOR INTEGRATION
Hello, hello. Good morning or good evening to you. Today, I would like to bring us to a place of stillness, a place of, I guess the place of the centre of our being. Actually, today I'm going to be talking about the contemplative heart of the interior integration journey.

[00:01:28] Okay, so, those of you who follow my account already know that what I talk about is interior integration, right? And interior integration, when we talk about integrating, there is, of course, in a sense that there are different parts that need to come together and to be integrated.

[00:01:51] So, while my background and I think, my deep sense of calling comes really from a spiritual place, comes from a place of really trying to understand and practice what it means to follow Christ. And I'm drawn also, to supporting and forming people who are similarly seeking to follow Christ. My journey has led me to realize that it's not enough to just look at the faith dimension of things.

[00:02:19] It's really not enough to just think about things from a very narrow spiritual kind of lens, right? But the more I go on this journey, the more I realize - how should I put it - it's an expansive journey, okay? It is not a narrow journey. And on the interior integration journey, the heart of it is still spiritual, in a sense, alright?

[00:02:47] And I'm going to explain what I'm talking about in a minute. So, a lot of you who follow my accounts, who come and watch my content or read my content, are Christian or Catholic, but you will also know that my account is not, in a sense, a typical Catholic or typical Christian account. 

[00:03:05] It's not heavy on scripture, it's not heavy on prayer, it's not heavy on devotions or, you know, anything that usually we associate with the more religious practices of Christianity. But that doesn't mean that they don't feature, right? For me, the way I am talking about interior integration, there's a presupposition that that is, in a sense, the ground and the groundwork.

[00:03:32] That's in place, at least at the back of our mind, in the depths of our heart, the desire is, you know, we want to follow Christ, we want to get to know God more deeply and to come in deeper contact and deeper relationship with Him. But there is so much more that needs to be tended to in order for us to live that relationship and for us to actually be able to, I guess, be a disciple and be an apostle.

[00:04:00] So, that's why you hear me talk and post about psychology - other than spirituality - I talk about psychology, right? You hear me mention terms like complex trauma, neuroscience, about somatic therapy, attachment styles. Sometimes, I share something from philosophy. It's very interdisciplinary, right, in terms of the way I talk about the journey, in terms of the resources that I like to share.

[00:04:25] And that's because all of this, the fact that there are so many different disciplines and topics gives us a sense of just how multifaceted we are as human beings. We are multifaceted as human beings and it's so important to remember that. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, right, says in scripture.

[00:04:48] And it is so important to, to know what it means to be fearfully and wonderfully made. Not just from a philosophical point of view, not just from a theological point of view, right, but experientially in an embodied way. What does it mean to be fearfully and wonderfully made as a human being living on earth? Wounded, seeking, desiring, hoping, and sometimes despairing.

[00:05:15] What does it mean to be fearful and wonderfully made? Incarnated in our own flesh as the beloved of God, right? And when, as Beloveds of God, we are on this path to healing, to integration, and redemption, how does it all come together? I speak a lot about authenticity and that's because when I look at my own life, when I look at the people all around me, my own family, my church family, the friends or people that I accompany, there is so much fragmentation, right, and incoherence. There is a lot of sincerity, but we fail to see how we are not authentic, and we fail to see our lack of integration.

[00:06:11] So, while we need to look at the different parts of the journey, right, it can be very easy to feel overwhelmed. So, for those of you, especially maybe who are unfamiliar with some of the things that I introduce in my content, you may be thinking sometimes, my gosh, like do I have to be an expert in all these things? Or do I have to go and learn about all these dimensions, you know, about psychology and neuroscience and everything, in order for me to be a disciple? The short answer is no, you don't.

[00:06:46] I mean, yes and no, right? That that's the paradox of an interior journey. So many things is both. And yes, in some sense, when you are led to the place, the realization, the awareness that maybe there's something more that you need to do or something more that you need to learn to help yourself, to resource yourself on this journey, then yes, do that.

[00:07:07] But at the same time, no, you don't have to know everything about anything. Because ultimately, the journey doesn't rest on us, right? So, I want to give you an image today when you're feeling overwhelmed about the interior journey and overwhelmed also by just how many different things out there that you need to understand and learn.

[00:07:31] It is helpful to have this image. I'll give you a couple of images, actually two images, but first is this. So, this is a famous quote about Archimedes, right? So, if you're in math and physics, you may have heard of this. So, Archimedes supposedly had said, "give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world".

[00:07:54] So, you see in this picture, that's an old man. I suppose that's meant to be Archimedes, right? And there's a lever, a long lever, and it rests on the fulcrum. And he's saying, with that, I can move the world. I want to bring the focus today to the fulcrum, right? Because the fulcrum is the still point. The fulcrum doesn't move. But the fulcrum is absolutely essential. It is the still point upon which the lever will move and upon which even the world or the heaviest object can be lifted, right, if you have a long enough lever.

[00:08:31] So, there's a fulcrum, the still point. Another image I would like to put in your mind is this. I often like to use the image of a wheel, okay? Specifically, a wagon wheel because, you know, it's very rudimentary but you kind of like can see the parts. So, a wheel has the outer circumference, right? Or maybe look at a circle and there are all these spokes that connect the outer of the wheel, the outside of the wheel to the hub, which is at the centre.

[00:09:04] And with this simple design, it can hold weight with other wheels, right? And at the same time, it can move weight. But as you would know, when a vehicle or a wagon is in motion, right, it covers distance and moves a lot. But right at the centre, at the very hub, there is also a point of stillness that doesn't move. The hub is the point of stillness around which all the other movement and progress is made. So, fulcrum and the hub. Two images that give you that sense of a point of stillness. 

[00:09:42] EXPLORING THE CONTEMPLATIVE HEART
That point of stillness, the fulcrum, upon which our interior journey turns, or the hub of the wheel, around which our interior journey is progressed, we move - is contemplation. Okay, and what do I mean by contemplation? I'm not referring to contemplation as a particular way of praying. Like, for example, you may have heard of Ignatian contemplation, which uses the imagination to pray the Gospels. There's a word there, contemplation, but it refers to a specific way of praying.

[00:10:19] Sometimes people, when they hear the word contemplation, they think of contemplative orders like the cloistered nuns, or monks and religious orders that pray many times a day. You know, they think, oh, that's contemplation, or that's a contemplative life. But really, no, those are still forms of contemplative life.

[00:10:39] In its essence, contemplation is being with the ground of our being. Being still and coming in touch with reality. Okay, now, in that sense, everyone actually can learn contemplation. Everyone, regardless of religion, whether you have religion or not, can actually practice contemplation. It's a way of being.

[00:11:08] But those of us who know God, who worship God and then in an even more specific way, those of us who call ourselves Christian and worship the Trinitarian God, there is another dimension to contemplation in that for us, the ground of our being isn't just a nameless thing or energy. It is God. The ground of our being is God. So, contemplation is when we come back into touch with the ground of our being, which is God.

[00:11:43] It is that which brings us back on solid ground. Just think of it when there's so many moving parts to our interior journey, right? Even to our life, our interior journey happens within the context of a busy life. And we have work to do. We have family to take care of, you know, all kinds of random things that demand our attention.

[00:12:02] And then at the same time we want to heal, we want to integrate, we want to be able to heal our inner child. And then there's prayer and there's worship. Where is the still point on which all this turns? It is contemplation. And when we contemplate, in a sense, we reground ourselves, it's like letting our feet come back in touch on the solid earth so that we know we're standing on solid ground, right? We are anchored. We are anchored in that point of stillness, that point of stillness, which is God's love for us. 

[00:12:40] THE POWER OF CONTEMPLATION IN HEALING
So, contemplation is what allows us to at the same time, accept and be in our very painful and imperfect reality, while at the same time, healing and growing and integrating Okay, so, already you can hear I'm referring to attention or a paradox already, right?

[00:13:03] Contemplation is what allows us to accept and be in our current reality, to seek reality clearly and be in it in spite of its difficulties, in spite of the pain that it gives us, while at the same time, not being frozen and paralyzed by that reality, being able to move towards healing and integration.

[00:13:25] Contemplation brings us beyond black and white, binary and dualistic thinking. Actually, it helps us to descend from our rational minds, into our hearts, into the core of our beings, into the seed of our soul, actually. Where all is held, all is held, and everything is loved in Kairos. Okay, Kairos, K A I R O S. It's a Greek word in a sense referring to time - not in chronological time, which is Chronos - but kind of like eternal in eternity, right? There's no chronological dimension to time. Everything is like the here and now, the eternal present in the eternal present. All, everything is held. Everything is loved. 

[00:14:20] Even though in chronological time, we are still making our way into greater wholeness, greater fullness, and, you know, just experiencing all kinds of disruption, all kinds of difficulty. So, why is it that I say that contemplation is the heart of interior integration? There are many opposites that have to be held in tension when we make the interior journey.

[00:14:49] Part of the struggle that we have all the time that we experience in the interior journey is because of the tension of opposites, right? It's like we experienced our reality one way and we wish to be able to become stronger, more integrated so that we can live in that reality in a different way.

[00:15:08] We are stuck between where we are and where we wish to be. Our state of maybe, you could say our brokenness, currently and the state of greater wholeness and authenticity that we long to be in. We may have relationships that are experienced very, very painfully by us and we hope to have it become more whole, that relationship itself to become more whole. But we have to live in that tension. But there are also other opposites that are held at the same time in the interior journey. 

[00:15:41] EMBRACING PARADOXES AND TENSIONS
Okay, I'm just going to show you a few, I think I list five points, examples of paradoxes of the interior integration journey. Okay, so, the first one is, I already mentioned earlier, in terms of the concept of time or our experience of time, there is both Kairos; eternity, and chronological time; Chronos. In interior integration, we act and we move in Chronos. But the still point, the fulcrum on which everything turns, actually is in eternity. 

[00:16:17] The second example of a paradox or a tension is we are fearfully and wonderfully made, incredibly made, beautiful, you know? We have dignity and beauty beyond any kind of imagination. Although we can't see that beauty or see this truth that we're fearfully and wonderfully made most of the time. But at the same time, we are imperfect and we are sinful. It's not an either-or thing. It's both and it's so difficult for us usually to hold that tension in our minds, right?

[00:16:49] But in contemplation, when we reach that still centre, we can find ourselves being in touch with both truths that we're fearfully and wonderfully made and that we're imperfect and sinful and it's okay and it's both. 

[00:17:09] A third paradox or tension of opposites that we experience in the interior integration journey is that we are simultaneously gifted, we have strengths, we have amazing talent, sometimes we have gifts, we have things that we find easy to do, there are things that we are just good at doing, right? But we are at the same time very limited. 

[00:17:34] Even the most talented and gifted people have also, at the same time, great limits. And this is a tension that many of us struggle to hold. It almost feels like, you know, we just want to focus on our gifts and how much we can contribute, that we forget we are finite and we are limited.

[00:17:52] Well, in reality, the way for us to live our fullest lives, to be most fully human, is to be deeply grounded in our limitation as creatures while fearlessly and joyfully, you know, using our gifts. Right, so, it's the both end. Another tension of opposites. 

[00:18:15] And then the fourth tension of opposites here I talk about is being powerless and powerful at the same time. The truth is, we actually are nothing. Like I said, we can't even ensure our next breath. We, in some sense, in one very real sense, we are nothing and we have no power at all except that which is given to us. Right, so, we're powerless. And yet, at the same time, there is so much power that is given to us.

[00:18:48] And so much power if we are deeply rooted and integrated and standing on the ground of our being. There's so much power that we are given to share in God. There's so much that we can do when we think about even not just our gifts in terms of natural gifts, but perhaps even the charisms that God has given us. Incredible, incredible things that we are also given in a sense the power to do.

[00:19:12] So, we are both powerless and powerful and that's a tension of opposites that we can't make sense of. And when we lean too much on either one side of these opposites, we get stuck and we get paralyzed. We either forget we are creatures, or we just get paralyzed by our powerlessness and we feel defeated and despair, right?

[00:19:35] And the fifth tension of opposites I talk about here is, in the interior integration journey, we'll find that we are always, always called to be still. Without stillness, without silence, there's no spiritual life. There's no human, fully human flourishing. So, there needs to be stillness. We need to be very still. But at the same time, we are sent, right?

[00:20:05] We are called into action. And it's not either or, although in Chronos, right, in terms of chronological time, there are particular seasons maybe that we have more of being still, or we have more of being called and being sent. But actually, at any one time, the two must co-exist for there to be life, for there to be interior life, for there to be real progress in the interior journey. Being still and being sent, right? Be still and being sent.

[00:20:38] So, there are many more tensions of opposites, there are many more other examples of, you know, paradoxes in interior journey, but these are just some examples that I think we often forget. And speaking about contemplation today is kind of a reminder that it's only in contemplation, at the still centre, at the fulcrum of everything that we're doing, that we can really be at peace, regardless of what is happening in our lives. 

[00:21:10] CONTEMPLATION: BEYOND  “SAYING PRAYERS”
So, there is a phrase that Monty Williams, a Jesuit, often says, and he says that saying prayers is not the same as praying, right? Saying prayers is not the same as actually praying. Praying is really coming to relationship with God. Contemplation is actually what he refers to as really praying; coming in touch with the ground of our being. We can do many kinds of spiritual exercises. We can recite prayers. We can pray set prayers of the rosary, all kinds of devotions in novena. And we can do that without necessarily praying, right? We can pray without saying prayers.

[00:21:48] Because a lot of times, for example, contemplation happens even without words. So, of course there are times that they can coincide, but it's important to remember that they're distinct and that the more important thing is that we are praying, not saying prayers. Whatever it is that brings us to the ground of our being, which is God, is what we need.

[00:22:12] The form itself of how that happens can change. It is not defined by a certain length of time of prayer. It's not defined by a certain instrument of prayer. None of that. That's form, right? But the more important thing is the essence of it - so, by contemplation here, I'm talking about being with God, is the being with God so that we can be with ourself and also be with others from the very centre of our being.

[00:22:42] It's so different that when we can be anchored and rooted in the ground of our being, and then, connect with self and connect with others. There is something supernaturally graced about this, right? Grace comes first before true contemplation can be possible. 

[00:23:01] REAL-LIFE EXAMPLES OF CONTEMPLATION
So, I'm just going to now share, you know, an example, kind of like a concrete example.

[00:23:07] What does that feel like or look like? Say, for example, that you're experiencing trouble at work or in your family. There's something that you feel like you're failing at. There's something that you're really struggling, tussling with, and you realize that your emotions could be in turmoil, as it often is when, you know, we're struggling, right?

[00:23:28] Maybe there's tension in your marriage or with your boss, or you feel like you're not doing a good job at work and you're feeling bad about yourselves, whatever it is. If you remember, I often talk about the three layers of life, and the outermost layer, the surface layer, is where we are interacting with people, interacting with things. The situations in which we find ourselves.

[00:23:48] So, that's where we begin, right? Something that's making us struggle. And then we find that our emotions, which is the next layer, the inner layer, can be in turmoil. Our bodies, our nervous system could be in pain. We could be in fight or flight or freeze, you know, all kinds of things could be doing.

[00:24:04] We could be making frenzied attempts to fix things, to be in control, our thoughts could be like a runaway train. Our inner critic could be having a heyday telling us, you know, that we are not doing enough, that we're not good enough. All that could be happening. A lot of times all that does happen and it's not like we can just stop it, right?

[00:24:24] So, that's part of the reality that we find ourselves in. Yet, even as all those things are happening, we're struggling and in pain, and our emotions are in turmoil, and our thoughts are like a runaway train, right? Sometimes, there are these moments, imperceptible moments, sometimes can be fleeting, where suddenly it feels like, in the midst of our suffering, a veil is lifted, and even while all that is happening, nothing has changed.

[00:24:53] We are reminded that there's a reality that's bigger than our suffering. That there's a reality that's bigger than whatever it is that we're going through. For a moment that veil is lifted, and then we're reminded that in eternity, nothing real has actually changed. Right, and then we're caught in this, or we're held in this in between space. We're held in this both end space. In such moments, actually that's contemplation. That's contemplation. 

[00:25:26] We are suddenly in that still point around which everything else moves. We are suddenly at that fulcrum on which the lever of our interior journey is, you know, is happening. And then when we are in touch in this contemplative space, we remember.

[00:25:44] Not just in our mind, but it's like our soul remembers. It is not ultimately up to us in a sense that it doesn't depend on our ability. It doesn't depend on our strength. We don't have to be the one to hold it all together. We were never meant to hold it all together, but we often try to, don't we?

[00:26:02] Because that's also part of our coping mechanisms is what we've learned. A lot of our trauma responses is to feel safe. I need to be in control. I need to somehow find a way to hold it all together. And that's our default operation. But when that veil is lifted, when we can encounter and experience contemplation, we are reminded, like, the reality expands suddenly.

[00:26:25] The world expands, it becomes so much bigger, and we realize that, no, it's okay. I can't carry this because I wasn't meant to carry this. I have agency, but it's not all up to me. I don't have to be the one to carry this burden. And then we can realize whatever it is that we're struggling with. Let's say we're really struggling in a job or you are, you are at risk of losing a job, or maybe you did lose a job. You suddenly realize that even if you lose this job, you're going to be okay. If you're struggling in, you know, family or in your marriage and it really feels like at that moment that there's nothing you can do to save a marriage and as much as you pray for it, as much as you desire and long to heal the marriage, in this moment of contemplation, suddenly you realize that even if my marriage falls apart, I am still held, there is something far greater.

[00:27:19] It's like the world will not come to an end, even though it feels like it. When we connect with the ground of our being, we realize that there's something even more solid that we can stand on, right? And we will realize that even if we fail spectacularly, in some way that is significant to us, in some way that we are terrified of doing, even if we fail spectacularly, we are still truly, deeply loved and held.

[00:27:47] That's what contemplation can do for us. It connects us with the ground of our being, such that we know that even in suffering, even in pain, even in death, whether it's our own or someone we love, these all don't have the final say, right? And it's not just the cognitive knowing, it is a deep knowing, with our whole beings that. There's a greater love and greater power that permeates all of our reality and all of us.

[00:28:21] That even if, in this life, relationships fall apart, whatever pain and, you know, separation happens, it's not forever. It's not final. And then we can hope again. We need that kind of hope to keep making the interior integration journey. Without that hope that comes from this kind of contemplative anchoring in God's love, we won't be able to keep making that journey, right? 

[00:28:56] So, Monty Williams, the Jesuit priest I mentioned earlier, that I quoted earlier, also has this very short saying, which I found very helpful. He says, "when you feel like your whole life is falling apart, when you feel that nobody loves you, when you feel like the world is ending, ask yourself, why am I still not destroyed?"

[00:29:12] Why are we still not destroyed? For all that's going wrong, somehow, we are still here. And the fact that we're still here, is evidence itself that we are loved into being, right? And that love that is loving us into being hasn't let go of us. So, this reminder today, I'm talking about the contemplative heart of the interior integration is really to assure you as well as myself, because I really need this reminder in this season of my life as well, that even our integration and our healing journey is not something that is all up to us, right?

[00:29:56] That there is always this paradox that it is our work to do, that it is our responsibility to do this inner work to go on the interior journey. Yet at the same time, we are not the foundation on which we do this work. We are not the one that holds all things together. And that is why our burden, even in the heaviness of the interior journey, our burden can be light.

[00:30:22] And why Christ says His burden is light and his yoke is easy? Because He is the one who carries us, because God carries us. So, again, this paradox, right? It feels heavy. It's challenging. It takes all of us. A lot of times it feels like we can't do it anymore and yet we marvel at how is it that we've lasted this long, right? We marvel at how is it that I've come so far. How is it when I look back, I've already experienced so much maybe, healing or growth.

[00:30:54] How is it that I'm still here? It's both end. And experiencing that both end gives us that hope and it infuses us with courage to keep going on. So, you hear me talk about how it's so important not to bypass our emotions, it's so important to not bypass our feelings, right? Whether it's our physical feelings of how our body feels or our emotions. Because sometimes, when we try to be spiritual, when we try, you know, kind of like to be spiritual, it almost feels like we should rise above our feelings or emotions. It's almost like it's not important.

[00:31:31] Now, that happens when we're still in a very binary and dualistic kind of a mindset, right? That it's either it's important or it's not. Like if in order for us to go beyond our feelings or emotions, the only way to do that is to, in a sense, believe that they're not important, or that they're less important. That's not true. When we can enter contemplation where paradoxes are held, where the tensions of opposites are held, both true at the same time, then we know everything about our body, even though it is corporeal and it's not meant to live forever in this life.

[00:32:04] So, including our emotions and all that, they have dignity beyond our comprehension, right? Beauty and dignity. And they are meant, we are meant to be honoured. We are meant to be honoured so deeply in our bodies. Our emotions are absolutely valid in the sense of like, they should not be dismissed.

[00:32:27] At the same time, it's not meant to end there, right? Nothing is meant to end in our intellectual mind, our rational mind, or our bodies, or our emotions. These are all pointers and invitations, or as I'll say, I think they're often also the means through which God invites us to enter into contemplation, to be in touch with the ground of our being.

[00:32:54] And it's only in that place where the paradoxes are held, that we can realize that our emotions are, at the same time, very valid and also, at the same time, we can transcend our emotions. There is supernatural grace at work, right? It's both end. So, the heart of the interior journey, at that still point on which everything turns, is where we be and not where we do. Right, where we be. B E, like where we are just still and being.

[00:33:30] And from that still place of being, we know how to do. Because in that still place of being, we realize that the most important act is never our act. The most important act is God's act, when God acts. 

[00:33:51] There is this very short saying by the mystic Meister Eckhart, "God acts and I become". God acts and I become. Our becoming and all the acts that we do, they flow from God acting. And when we are not anchored in the ground of our being, when we don't have that contemplation, or that contemplative perspective and groundedness, we rely on our acting. We think that our becoming is all dependent on our acting.

[00:34:34] Contemplation, being, allows us to remember, with our whole bodies and whole being, it is God's act. that allows us to become. So, I don't know about you, but for me that always gives immense encouragement and consolation, especially in times when I just feel like I can't do it anymore, that those moments are so real, right?

[00:35:01] Especially in seasons of onslaught when just things are really, really stressful or whatever it is you're dealing with is just so heavy. In a very real sense, it really feels like, I mean, for me, it really feels like I don't know how much longer I can do this. Like, you know, it's taking everything and then I feel like I'm doing a bad job of things.

[00:35:22] But being in touch with the ground of my being and remembering, being able to hold these opposites, give me peace. I realized that I can suffer and experience all that pain, very real pain. My body can be suffering, I can be falling sick from all that stress. And yet, at the same time, knowing that in eternity all things are held. You know, that it doesn't all rest on me. So, it's okay even if I fall sick. It's okay even if, you know, things crumble around me. Even if what I fear most in that sense or don't want to see happen, happen. 

[00:36:01] Even as I feel the fear, there's another deeper sense that all will still be well. Contemplation is the heart of the interior integration journey. It allows us to be okay with not being in control of this rather complex journey of being human and of growing in authenticity and in wholeness. And then that's how we can dance, you know, the dance of life with God. When we are anchored, when we are anchored in the centre, the still centre, we can move with greater ease, right? We can move with stability because we are anchored.

[00:36:49] That's my sharing for today. Really, it's very much a reminder to myself. I often find that it's when I'm most pressed to the ground and most stressed. Very much like, I guess, grapes that are being crushed, right? When they're being made into wine. That things are distilled for me to come back to what's at the heart of it all.

[00:37:14] What if we go back to basics, we come back to basics. What's at the centre of it all. If I can't do anything else, what is the one thing, the one thing necessary, right? The unum necessarium and that is contemplation, which is in the most deeper sense, prayer, being with God. Okay, so, that's, that's my sharing today.

[00:37:42] Are there any questions? If there are any questions, you can pop it into the question bubble that's there, or the comment. While I take a moment to check my notes and see if I left out anything. Oh yes, there is a point that I missed out.

[00:37:58] CULTIVATING AWARENESS AND STILLNESS
So, I wanted to say that with time and experience, we can actually learn to cultivate our awareness so that we're more sensitized to these moments where the veil is lifted. So, like I mentioned earlier, a lot of times these moments where we get in touch with the ground of our being may not even be something that we intentionally do. Actually, a lot of times it's not like we can intentionally do. Because this is about being, right?

[00:38:24] So, it could be looking up in the sky and suddenly seeing a rainbow, or a beautiful sunset or sunrise, or hearing birdsong, or hearing the laughter of a young child while you're taking a walk. Whatever it is that suddenly takes us out of the fog of, you know, our own depression, for example, or preoccupation, and then reconnect us to the larger reality of God's love, right?

[00:38:52] But this is also something that can be cultivated, not to make these moments of contemplation, deep contemplation happen, but for us to become more sensitized, to be able to experience these maybe in a sense more easily and at the same time to also be more gentle with ourselves. Okay, so that would go into cultivating just a habit of being still.

[00:39:16] And there are different ways of that. I'm not going to go into that for this particular sharing, but I just want to say that we can cultivate, we can learn to cultivate this. And the more we become still and silent inside us, interiorly, not just exteriorly, but within our beings, the more we will be able to notice the subtle movements of the Spirit, of the Holy Spirit, notice when God is encouraging us, and even when it feels like God is silent.

[00:39:42] When there's more stillness within us, we'll find that we can hold ourselves more gently as well. Yeah, so, that was what I wanted to add that I left out. And since there are no questions, I shall end the sharing here today. And I look forward to connecting with you guys again in the next Live. And as usual, welcome any questions that you may have in my direct messages. All right, bye. 

[00:40:11] CONCLUSION
Thank you for listening to Becoming Me. The most important thing about making this journey is to keep taking steps in the right direction. No matter how small those steps might be, no matter where you might be in your life right now, it is always possible to begin. The world would be a poorer place without you becoming more fully alive.

[00:40:41] If you like what you hear on this podcast, would like to receive a monthly written reflection from me as well as be updated on my latest content and offers, make sure you subscribe to my newsletter Begin Again. You can find the link to do that in the show notes. Until the next episode, happy becoming!